Feelings, dont bother ro read if you dont want me rambling in your ear

Yes this is a blog about my feelings, and for once Im going to actually talk about my feelings, rather than just brush them aside, maybe its hanging my dirty laundry for all to see, but my close has no laundry that I should be ashamed of.

Im doing this at 10 past 2 in the morning because I cant sleep anymore, I think the earliest ive been asleep lately is 2 o clock, but then again my sleeping patterns have never been great. But now its getting beyond, when im up till almost 5 most nights.

My problem is that I think too much, I analise every little detail, because Im to afraid of things changing, up until now Ive had my cosey little bubble, of my few close friends, and a good family. Then Chries got dded to my bubble, and he was perfect, and wonderful, and I really did fall madly in love with him from the start, because he was and still is everything I have ever dreamed of, and lately, I depend on him more than anything else.

I am deadly afraid of one of being one of those girls whos life revolves around her boyfrined, because it isnt healthy for a relationship to be so solely dependant on someone, to spend so much time with one another, when that happens you run out of things to talk about, and then maybe after months or years, you start to think that thats not the life you wanted, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But this is what upsets me so much, that I used to be able to go out and have a good time with my frineds, and giggle, and forget about chris a little, I could focus solely on having a good time, and then when I got home, the first thing I would want to do is curl up on the sofa and have a nice long talk with him. But lately, I feel like I dont have anyone there anymore, I have one frined I know who Is always up for a laugh, Amy, your a life saver when it comes to these things, even If i dont always appreciate you, but it just feels like most of my frineds have drifted away, either because I have an early curfew, or because they just hang around with different people, or just because they dont come out as often (which I cant blame them for lately, due to weather and the general lack of things to do.) But half of my frineds I never get to see because they dont come out till at least 5 or 6, and I have to be in early, the only time I get to talk to anybody is online, and Im just generally crap at that, Im distracted easily, and Im usually busy all the time.

But there are frineds drifting away that I thought I woud never say goodbye to, frineds who I had thought would be a massive part of my life, and we just dont seem to meld like we used to, and so lately chris the wonderful perfect man that he is, has been there everytime I want o do anything, go shoping, go to the cinema, or just stay in, have a giggle, and be vicously tickle raped -.- . So now im wondering, if its normal for my boyfrined to be my bestfriend, because now hes the only person I see, even though I do make an effort to come out, I still dont see them, so I feel like Im not anybodys frined anymore, and I feel like nobody cares except him, you could say I was well on my to being one of those nightmare girls, whos lives revolve around their boyfrineds, but ho can blame me when hes the only person who I dont feel is leaving me?

I know that after all this now, youll all think im being attentionseeking, that im moaning about nothing, that I always talk about myself, that I should just sod off with chris and not annoy you with my problems anymore, but when I have no one to talk to, ill talk to the world and his mother, because im a far more emotional person than you all think.

This blog isnt meant to be accusing anybody of leaving me in any way, I just have to get all this off my chest, before my sleeping patterns get any worse, and i become evern more hormonal and snappy, and I start arguing with chris so much he snaps. I may sound like a drama queen, but it will lead to that, I get badly affected by thing like this.

anway, i think thats about all the dirty laundry im going to hang out for you to see today, hopefully you wont completely hate this little slice of me talking about me.

see you round sometime