Enemies

Okay I havn't blogged in like FOREVER but something has really been picking away at me recently and so I've had too. I know I should be blogging more tbh, cause its the only place I can say what I really think and people dont bite my head off ¬.¬

And that's my problem. People treat me like super bitch for expressing my opinion?
I mean I get it, you should be sensetive to people emotions, you should try and be nice about it.
But sometimes I just think...why?
I mean sure, a delicate situation deserves a little subtlety and care.
But sometimes people are just being stupid, and what better way to stop them, than to quite bluntly telling them they're being an absolute idiot?
It's simple and effective.

but let me make my point a little more clearly (I might not make much sense tonight I'm listening to a band I'm absolutely obsessed with.
What is everyones problem with having principles, and telling ou the truth?
I LOVE people telling me the truth, as long as its not in a nsnide way.
If it came up in conversation, and you said Iwas fat, I'd accept your opinion.
Why can people not take the truth?
Surely it would be better to just take it on board and fix things than to just block it out.
I'm not saying live your life to please other people, what I'm saying is be happy, dowhatever the hell ou want, but dont shout and screa at people for voicing their opinons, I mean jesus christ its 2010 and every time someone says something remotely offensive its like a frigging greek tradgedy.
Lighten up, accept the truth, and let people voice their opinions for christ sake, But I've decided, call me cold hearted, call me opinionated, call meblunt, call me the biggest bitch the world has ever seen. I don't care atleast im not lying, at least I say what I think, which is more than I can say for allot of people. You'll get no where in life withoutan opinion.

SERIOUS RANT

I am so wound up you would not beleive.
Just at life in general.
People who make me feel like shit 24/7
yes I get I get it, Im a fat ugly messed up peice of shit!
you dont need to constantly point it out!!
I have nobody left to talk to, literally nobody.
my friends just tell me what I want to hear to shut me up
my family do the same
and Im just so sick of feeling like this

I thought when you went through shit in life your meant to come out better and happier, and get some good things going.
But its not, its shit storm after shitstorm
and I can never bee happy for more than a couple of months
and people fucking wonder why I dont beleive in god.
Its a test?
well fuck you I dont want to take your test

also, some people are low, sly, slimey, ugly, cunts, and I swear to god I am going to go aabsolutely skatty tomorrow, or sooner if possible. So beware, Im on a fucking war path, dont piss me off

Feelings, dont bother ro read if you dont want me rambling in your ear

Yes this is a blog about my feelings, and for once Im going to actually talk about my feelings, rather than just brush them aside, maybe its hanging my dirty laundry for all to see, but my close has no laundry that I should be ashamed of.

Im doing this at 10 past 2 in the morning because I cant sleep anymore, I think the earliest ive been asleep lately is 2 o clock, but then again my sleeping patterns have never been great. But now its getting beyond, when im up till almost 5 most nights.

My problem is that I think too much, I analise every little detail, because Im to afraid of things changing, up until now Ive had my cosey little bubble, of my few close friends, and a good family. Then Chries got dded to my bubble, and he was perfect, and wonderful, and I really did fall madly in love with him from the start, because he was and still is everything I have ever dreamed of, and lately, I depend on him more than anything else.

I am deadly afraid of one of being one of those girls whos life revolves around her boyfrined, because it isnt healthy for a relationship to be so solely dependant on someone, to spend so much time with one another, when that happens you run out of things to talk about, and then maybe after months or years, you start to think that thats not the life you wanted, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But this is what upsets me so much, that I used to be able to go out and have a good time with my frineds, and giggle, and forget about chris a little, I could focus solely on having a good time, and then when I got home, the first thing I would want to do is curl up on the sofa and have a nice long talk with him. But lately, I feel like I dont have anyone there anymore, I have one frined I know who Is always up for a laugh, Amy, your a life saver when it comes to these things, even If i dont always appreciate you, but it just feels like most of my frineds have drifted away, either because I have an early curfew, or because they just hang around with different people, or just because they dont come out as often (which I cant blame them for lately, due to weather and the general lack of things to do.) But half of my frineds I never get to see because they dont come out till at least 5 or 6, and I have to be in early, the only time I get to talk to anybody is online, and Im just generally crap at that, Im distracted easily, and Im usually busy all the time.

But there are frineds drifting away that I thought I woud never say goodbye to, frineds who I had thought would be a massive part of my life, and we just dont seem to meld like we used to, and so lately chris the wonderful perfect man that he is, has been there everytime I want o do anything, go shoping, go to the cinema, or just stay in, have a giggle, and be vicously tickle raped -.- . So now im wondering, if its normal for my boyfrined to be my bestfriend, because now hes the only person I see, even though I do make an effort to come out, I still dont see them, so I feel like Im not anybodys frined anymore, and I feel like nobody cares except him, you could say I was well on my to being one of those nightmare girls, whos lives revolve around their boyfrineds, but ho can blame me when hes the only person who I dont feel is leaving me?

I know that after all this now, youll all think im being attentionseeking, that im moaning about nothing, that I always talk about myself, that I should just sod off with chris and not annoy you with my problems anymore, but when I have no one to talk to, ill talk to the world and his mother, because im a far more emotional person than you all think.

This blog isnt meant to be accusing anybody of leaving me in any way, I just have to get all this off my chest, before my sleeping patterns get any worse, and i become evern more hormonal and snappy, and I start arguing with chris so much he snaps. I may sound like a drama queen, but it will lead to that, I get badly affected by thing like this.

anway, i think thats about all the dirty laundry im going to hang out for you to see today, hopefully you wont completely hate this little slice of me talking about me.

see you round sometime

Great expectations

The world has many great works of literary genius. (evidently me and my bad spelling is not one of them)

But today I talk about three that inspire me the most (apart from my love for Billy shakespeare, that your all probably bored of)

Great expectations.

Pygmalion.

To kill a mocking bird.



These are three of the worlds most inspiring and most awe inspiing works of literacy.

Now Im sure you all know I have a passion for literature, I go through books like underwear, and I hope to be a weriter one day.



But thats because I think writers aresome of the most important people in the world, after all, where would we be today without writting?

Without books to learn from, letters to write, signs to read, we wouldnt have the (occasionally) civilised society we live in today.



I always say that a mind has no use without a mouth. You cant have true feelings, principles, morals, opinions, if their always locked inside your head, if you did youd be quite a plain boring person. People say that Im to opinionated, that I should just shut my trap. But I domt, because its my opinion, and its truthfully what I think. The way we think is who we are, a mind and a mouth together have twice the power of a fist.



But this isnt what todays blog is about I've been badly side tracked by my little tangent on our opinions and so on. No the point of todays blog is in reference to those three works of genius.



Great expectations,

to me it has a powerful message. It shows me that if people expect Highly of you, you can acheive highly, after all the strongest person in the world will fail at some things, and without people to fall back on, it would be a much harder fall. My point is that the people you choose to be around you, can be a massive part of shaping your character, If the people around you are independant, so will you be, we all say we shape our own lives, we make our own decisions, but the type of person we are, decides what we choose, and the people who make us that person are the people around us, just like pip and mrs havisham, and estella.



Pygmalion,

Pygmalion has more meaning for me still. When your treated like a flower girl, you will act like a flower girl, like being a flower girl is all your capable of, and if your treated like a dutchess, you will act like a dutchess, and you wil be capable of being a dutches. Now this part of my blog is about how peoples low expectations can lower pur opinions of ourselves. Such as the media, if they have a low opinion of someone for being size 14, we beleive its not okay to be size 14. If they portray overly photoshopped images of alien like women, whos waists are smaller than their heads, we beleive that what it expected of us. I fwe treated the queen like scum (well we ould be beheaded) but she would feel like scum. people may shape the way we live, but not always in the way we owiuld like, but again it becomes a part of who you become, it builds strength, it builds resistance, and it teaches us lessons in life.



To kill a mocking bird.

Tom robinson a respectable black man living in a southern county back when racism was still common is accused of raping a white girl, after the white woman has after all been the one to tempt him. Tom robinson was found guilty, and sent to prison. The reason he was sent, even afetr an almost infalible defence case against him, was that people expected him to be prosocuted, because he was black, instead of the girls father, who was actually the man who beat her. People expected him to be prosecuted, because it would be wrong to prosecute awhite man when you could use a black man as a scape goat. and this part os about how deadly peoples expectations can be, if their expectations are set to high, they set us up for a harder fall, if peoples expectations are to low, it brings us down to that level.



I wrote this because I was worried of my expectations in life, what people thought of me, how they could make my life turn out, but after writting this I realise that we can only deal the best with what we have, and if we must, out shine all expectations, or fall below them, to keep ourselves happy, the people around you shape you, but you do not conform to them.



But as alwaysI must leave you some food for thought: apart from your parents, can you think of somebody who has helped you becmoe a better person?

my worst critic

Someone very wise somewhere once said "We are our own worst critics"

But isnt that the most hypocritical statement ever?

if we are ALL our own worst critics, the person who said it must criticise themselves terribly too.

But thats why im about to post the most hypocritical blog ever, because even though its terribly hypocritical, its true and its relatable.



I will be quite sexist in this blog, and I may talk about myself at times, which for me is usually a no no in blogs, but I will use girls such as myself as examples of what im talking about.



Can anyone in the world honeslty say, they have no phycisal fault.



answer: no.



sorry, not even magan fox or hayley williams is perfect. I mean I'll admit you have people in life who think their perfect, but even they look in the mirror and see things they dont like.

First of all I'll talk about attention seekers.

People call me one. Allot of the time, I know thy say Im vein and attention seeking, would you like to know why? well Im gunna tell you.
Its because I cant accept a compliment. I know that If I posted this blog listing all the reasons I hate myself, people would start with the "Oh, no your not"
No matter how honest your being, in your own head you may genuinly mean it, but to me its a lie, I cant see it in myself, so naturally I cant accept it when people say it. I see other people like it around me everyday.

Here are a few things that will make you think twice about all of this.
The average clothes size for a woman in britain is a size 16
They now use size 12 models on catwalks at london fashion week.
becoming size zero at any point in your life could shorten your life by up to 7 years.
anorexia and bullemia kill twice as many teenage girls as knife crime, and drugs.
the reason 11% of people turn to anphetamines is to induce weight loss.
the most basic treatment for an eating disorder, costs the NHS £25,000
your twice as likely to develop an eating disorder in your teenage years, than you are to have a teenage pregnancy.

Those are ACTUAL statistics. that is all god damned honest truth.
now I know this isnt all about weight, its about self esteem, but I know this can be a massive probelm for allot of peoples self esteem. I hate my body, I hate the size, the shape, I would truly love you live as anybody else, so I can relate to it.

But the point of todays blog was not meant to be about eating disorders, its about how you feel about yourself, I know thats it can sometimes be hard to finnd anything you like in that mirror, but everyone has a good side, and everyone has their flaws, so If I were you, try and pick just one part of yourself you like, and focus on it tremendously. Like I said, its a hypocritical blog, it doesnt mean I have to do it :P

I kind of got side tracked today, but only because its something I feel so passionate about, But I will still give you food for thought as always, even though nobody reads these things anymore.

If you have one thing you like about yourself what is it?

can a sin be a sin if it feels good, can wrong be right if it feels right?

yes you guessed it, I've had to much time on my hands and so profound little thoughts have been whirring around in my head. So now im going to voice them to all you lovely people who read my blogs but are too lazy to comment so you just tell me shiz over MSN :).

My first thought is about Religion.
If anyone of any Religion is reading this, I mean no offence what so ever but this is my personal opinion.

Sins.
Sins of the flesh.
Sins of the mind.

Who has the right to dictate right and wring to you?
God says that its wrong to steal, But if you live on the streets half starved to death, and stealing is all you can do, how can it be wrong?
Now most christins would say, that if you "Had faith" God would save you.
Now....call me a skeptic, but do you not hear of the millions of homeless poverty striken people dying everyday?
Now again, people would make one of two arguements.
That those people did something wrong, and were being punished.
Or that it was a test
I have counter arguements for both of those.

1) God is hitler if thats the way he thinks.
There was a reason the death penalty was out lawed in almost every country. These people shouldnt have to suffer and die for any wring doings.

2) Its a test of faith?
Isnt god all knowing?
Shouldnt he know if you have faith?
So why does he need to test anyone?

But my point is that while there are certain things the bible dictates that are perfectly reasonable; Dont murder people; dont steal.

But what about no sex before marriage?
what about all the other stupid stuff.
Religion to me is a dictatoriship, one that i never intend to be a part of.

my secon part of this blog is the law.
The law is a contreversial thing.
I think that sometimes the law is reasonable, that its god that those laws sare in place, otherwise the world would be anarchy.
But sometimes I think the law is to lenient, like people being let out of prison for good behaviour, just because they behave well on the inside doesnt mean theyll do it again on the outside.

But then again sometimes i think that sometimes the law is too strict. that it vcan be to limiting, some laws are in place for our own safety, and i accept that exceptions cant be made, but for some people i know it can be restricitng.

What im trying to say in this blog in a kind of ranting distracted way, is that other people cant tell you what feels right, you have to base our life on your own principles, and morals. within reason. No brutal murders and then blaming my blog please.

Question of the day:
Hve you ever done anything completely against your own priniciples and morals?

Peace Out Gee Gee xx

Is this all in vein? (8)

Three things made me think of this song.
1) My beloved YouMeAtSix - playing the blame game (new album is fricking kickass)
2) my sodding P.S.E teacher.
3) This new sodding R.E teacher

What is the meaning of life?
More importantly, who gives a crap?

This is my point in life, everything we do in life gets questions.
What the hell ever happened to spontinaity?
Im gunna skip all the way to mac donalds with my friends screamin "were off to see the wizard of oz"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE I FECKING FEEL LIKE OKAY."

is that right, or am i just being a complete teenage reject and thinking that everyone is trying to repress me.

Anyway enough of that pointless tangent.

My point is why do we question our own existance?
Shouldnt we be out there making the most of it, instead of sat in classrooms talking about it?
I mean how is that going to help us in life?

Job Application:
I have shit all G.C.S.E's
No A levels
i didnt even finish juniors school
ive been arrested 20 billion times
Ive ben known to do strange things such as bungie jump out the office windown but forgetting the chord. oops.
but i know why im here?

You gunna hire that guy?
seriously?

It is of no use to anyone whatsoever.
You got here just be greatful for it.

As for the matter of it being all spiritually meaningful, and profound and so on.
What happend if we find out its some load of bollocks?
like the chicken came before the egg, infact the chicken came before anything, our god is a large chicken and we evolved from chicken shit?

It just annoys me that people seem to live their lives so stupidly sometimes.
Some spend their lives questioning it.
(I mean no offence to anyone religous, but this is my take on Religion."
Others spend it being dictated to by a god their not even sure exists?

Its your life, do what you want with it you make yourself happy. I know it sounds selfish to say look out for number one.
but how can you make the people you love happy, when your miserable?

Food for thought:
How many things can you say youve done in your life that have made it worth while?

Answrres plz: via MSN facebook whatever idm :)

My answer: For me its as simple as making someone feel better during a bad time, that makes my life worthwhile :)

Peace Out Gee Gee xx