Its my turn to let go this time.

Yes, im going to tell you to not even bother reading this blog, it is nothing but a pointless outlet, and vent of my emotions concerning other people, some will be soppy, some will be angry, but i dont care to be honest, everyone needs an outlet, this is mine, this blog will not be retracted, its how i feel and im entitled to voice my opinion in any way i wish.

First of all, Im sick of change. People say change is a ood thing, and I agree in most cases. I like to change firniture around, to give it that feeling of being a new room, I like to change the things i do, and even tha bands i listen to.
I'll admit, I even like to change the people i hang out with, and talk too. But i dont forget the importan ones. I'll talk to new people make new frineds, I have 2 sets of frineds, i never sacrifice time with one for the other. Beleive it or not it is possible. I love all my friends its too bad that som peoplecant do that, its too bad that after i dedicated my heart and soul to a friendship, after i put my all into being there for them, when everyone else wasnt, through everything, tried to help them through the tough times. I could say now that i hated them, that they were a bitch and a back stabber, but the fact is, that the person you used to be i loved, you were someone i trusted with my life who i talked to about everything who always made me smile and who i shared great memories with, you kept your frineds close to you, and theymeant the world to you, but i suppose if after the smallest of things, you realise they dont matter to you, and that people who never valued you as much, are the people you turn too, then i guess you were never really their frineds in the first place, i have to stop thinking about you, and i have to stop trying to salvage something that meant nothing to you, I have to stop holding on to smething, thats not going to stay...well now its my time to let go.

but dont worry, my life isnt all loom, after all, i stilll have the few frineds who are loyal and trustworthy, and some that lately ive been especially grateful for, Issy, Youve been a rock, i know that no matter what youre always going to be there as one of my best friends, and to be honest i dont know how id cope without you.
Lyndsey I dont think i ever appreciated what a good frind you are, an just how trust worthy you are, I can honestly tell you anything in the world, and you'll never tell a soul. I've told you things ive never been able to tell anyone, and nobody knows.
Gaby Your amazing to have when your in a problem to be honest gab. your always there with the sympathy, your not always trying to dole out the answers, you know that sometimes all a berson needs is for someone to say it will all be ok, and even tho we dont know eachother brilliantly, hopefully we will.
Racheal babes your a star. well and truly you are. you know all to well the way i feel half the time, i can talk to you about anything and youll never judge me, and you will always cheer me up, so lucky to have someone like you tbh.
and Megg were not exactly big buddies anymore dont talk all the time dont hang out etc, but tbh, your amazing to me, when nobody else can offer a solution to a problem, you can tell me the sensible thing to do, in the nicest way, tbh when i cant coipe and things fall through, you still care enough to ask me whats wrong, and you always help more than i thoiught possible

through al the shit recently although i may not have portrayed it as a lot, and people are going through much moe than i am, i dont cope well with problems, and i wanted to thank you for making it that big bit bearable, when im not on my own.

But theres another person whp plays a big part in my life. Yes chris. I warned you some parts would be soppy, and this is it. I have never ever ever ever ever ever in my life felt the way i feel when im with you. you make me feel like something special, like im someone wanted, even when i feel like everything and everyone is against me, your always there, always telling me you love me. Ive said those words before, but i couldnt really ever know what they meant until now. I can safely say that when im with you, it seems like there can be nothing wrong in the world, okay so were not always all over eachother, sucking face all the time, but thats because i love to be with you, you wont feel how stupid i feel saying this, but considering how it makes me feel when you say it ill do it anyway; being in your arms is being in my favourite place in the world, there is nothing in the world that can make me feel like you do.we've had out problems our ups and downs, ill admit to that, and theyve usually been pretty bad for me, and i have a life time of apologies to make, but your the only person in the world who i trust with my every little imperfetion, who ill notwear make up and not do my hair for. The only person who i know can never hurt me, and thats why i fell in love woth you so easily, and why i love you so so so so very much, more than i thought pissible, more than filsm, more than books, more than romeo and juliet, more than anyone. I can be possesisive, I can be jelous, i can be envious, but thats just down to sheer inequality, looks, talent, brains, everything, and im always worried your going to run off to some stunning twig thin model, even when ou say you could never get one. Thats just your candy coated eyes. But im afraid of loosing you, to the point that im afraid to look at the girls who look at you, incase all of a sudden you notice one of them. Because ive put everything into this now, and it cant be taken back, i trust you with everything, i give you nothing but honesty and do nothing other than love you, because i want it to last forever, ambitious for me i know, but when you say those three little words, i know its possible, just because of the way it makes me feel.I love you <3